Tom came to the Lodge on 14th January 2014 as our first client. In doing so, he put his own unique stamp on the place – and as such, he put the Lodge on the map which Milkwood Care will always be grateful for.

Being the only client for a few years with the odd respite client coming through, Tom turned the situation to his advantage. It wasn’t uncommon to see Tom emerge from the Lodge at 8am, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, with a bleary eyed Support Worker and then return around 8pm or later, with an exhausted Support Worker and Tom still bright eyed and bushy tailed!!!! Holidays abroad were huge events and we extend our thanks to all the staff that made this possible for Tom, especially Steve and Harry who accompanied him to Butlins and Tenby.

Day to day, Tom was the fabric of the Lodge. Parked at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a straw, he observed and heard everything that went on!! Sometimes, we would see him quietly smirk to himself – and we’d always love to know what that smirk was for.

New staff even had two inductions – The Milkwood Induction and The Tom Bendall Induction.

If there was an outing, Tom was on it!! No matter where, he engaged with his usual gusto and used his time to wonder at the local beauties and occasionally, he looked at the wildlife too. We used to wonder why he loved going to Headway in particular, however, the reason soon become obvious. Headway was staffed with local undergraduates on work placement, mostly female, and Tom made it his mission to show these new staff the ropes!

The gym in the Lodge was funded by Tom doing a rope swing back in 2016. Dan, his cool mate and personal trainer, organised this and gained sponsors. On the day, Tom provided us with a few heart-stopping moments whilst he performed his rope swing to hundreds of people. He enjoyed his gym sessions with Dan so much, and the gym will now always be known as the Tom Bendall Gym.

A lasting memory of Tom will be the days Dan came to take him out wherever they wanted to go. Tom would get dressed up in his best gear, and off they went, coming back hours later (weighed down with designer bags and loot!).

Tom was supported by his family during his time at the Lodge. They all appreciated that the Lodge was a good compromise; it allowed Tom to live independently and be close to his family. Tom enjoyed going home at weekends and his extended break home at Christmas was his best present ever. Seeing Tom’s face when his mum would visit and bring the lovely Alice was always a sight. He would beam from ear to ear, and he loved those visits.

Tom loved people to see beyond his wheelchair and disability. He wanted to be an ordinary bloke doing ordinary things and appreciated the banter, the jokes and fun. He was never downhearted for long and made the best of the situation he so tragically found himself in.

He taught us all to strive to be the best version of yourself and that humour and kindness will always win. The Lodge is not the same without him. We all feel like a light has gone out that the maintenance crew could never repair.

So from all of us – Heather, Steve, Lyndsey, Emma, Eminy, Danella, Mostyn, Charlotte M, Charlotte P, Harry, James, Penny, Lorna, Gail, Beth, Shannon and Carolyn – we say goodbye. We hope the pain has gone, the girls are plentiful and the chicken nugget shop stays open 24/7. Have a blast!!!

We’d also like to extend our condolences to Pam, Haydn, Rob and Lucy and respective families and also say thank you for giving us the opportunity to meet Tom.